ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
