She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize