youre lurking in front of me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
