Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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