you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
