The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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