Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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