I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
