his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
