Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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