u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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