I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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