That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm passing your future prison.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
