Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
