Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
