Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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