I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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