Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
