She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
