I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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