Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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