I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh god it's open bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
