We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
