Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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