We won't sleep together?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your penis caused this!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
