There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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