My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
