I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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