So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
