he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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