He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
