You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
