I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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