Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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