i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
