fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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