You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
