Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
