shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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