fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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