im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
