So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
