No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
