yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
