I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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