your thong is hanging out like whoa
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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