is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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