..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
