How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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