You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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