Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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