Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
