I CAN MOONWALK!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
