Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
