I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i would punch a child for taco bell
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Drake has all the answers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
