I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
