Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
