i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
