I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
