I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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