I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
