Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize