I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
