shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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