how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
