She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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