There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize