I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
