I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
