who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
