everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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