i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
