I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
