Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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