Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
