Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
