never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
