i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
