Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
